Millennial Outpost

My struggle is real. It is not fictional. Just because it looks like I have everything together emotional, does not mean I don’t have issues to deal with daily.

You cannot judge a book by its cover

– Unknown

Life is a struggle. A struggle, not so much financially, but in the process of finding my purpose and connecting with people on a deep emotional level. I find myself wanting more in life. I desperately want to find something fulfilling that I can accomplish on my own. I want to find a career where the job comes naturally easy and yet challenging, even when it may be hard and difficult for others. I want to find my niche.

I am struggling to stay afloat in what seems like I am drowning in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling….waiting to attack at the first sight of blood. I am always patiently waiting, waiting for something to happen. I am waiting for nothing because nothing will happen if I just wait. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING. I need to decide what to do and where to go. I cannot rely on other people. I cannot be afraid to act. My life is going nowhere as it proceeds along this path of life.

My weakness today, will be my strength tomorrow

– Unknown

I live in a world of extroverts. I struggle to be an introvert. My understanding is different than those around me. I am not here to make excuses for my behavior or others, but to give an explanation on why I do things based on my introverted nature. To give an explanation of my actions in the midst of life and family functions.

It’s Christmas time, and I failed to communicate and failed to attend certain family get togethers/ arrangements, and functions. I failed in their eyes because I did not communicate my situation and a big part of why is because of my introverted nature, and the extroverted nature of those around me compete with each other. I keep things bottled up most of the time and my writing is what allows me to open up and express what I have bottled up inside. In my past few years, months, and days; I have contemplated both accomplishments/ strives, struggles, and pitfalls in which I have found myself.

Christmas of 2019 will always remain in infamy from this point forward because of my many pitfalls that I found myself falling into. It was not all bad, but it was still a season that I struggled through as an introvert, not just in my family life or work life, but in my personal ascension into life in general.

Who’s the man behind the mask?

It’s because of my experiences that have determined where I am now. The things of my past influences where I am in the present. The question is: would I change anything from my past? And I would have to answer with an astounding ‘no’ because I needed to experience that struggle. That struggle strengthens me, and allows me to overcome and grow into a person with a stronger character.

Struggle is life’s way of making us stronger. Just like a moth or butterfly breaking out of its cocoon, or a baby bird hatching out of its protective shell. The struggle is how it builds up its strength to survive on the outside of its protective layer. I want to break out of my protective layer and explore the world. No more waiting. No more just existing. I want to accomplish things in my life. I am tired of being afraid to step outside of my comfort zone. I want to be free. Free to do what I want and not what is expected of me.

I NEED MY PATH TO BE GOING SOMEWHERE, INSTEAD OF NOWHERE. I need to stop dreaming about it, and just do it.